A Very Special SimHQ 10th Anniversary Contest… or a Very Merry UnBirthday to You!

Well, well! 10 years! Who’d have thought SimHQ would ever be around that long? Certainly not those who have done nearly everything they could to dismantle it. So we’ve decided to have another big SimHQ contest. Just for you! Yes, those of you who get up on the wrong side of the bed everyday and have made it one of your life’s goals to make life at SimHQ just as miserable and rotten as yours.

Prizes! Wow, Do We Have Prizes!

First Place: You get to match your skills and cunning against one of the SimHQ staffers with military flight experience! Imagine the excitement of you driving your personal car head-to-head against a tactical fighter! To make it fair, we’ll start both of you 1/2 mile apart. You can use any weapon you own, and the fighter gets to use any ATG missile in it’s arsenal. Falcon 4 MUD missions will never be as exciting to you ever again. Talk about putting yourself in the game! Plus, we’ll film the whole thing and post it as an AAR! You’ll love it, but, truth be told, you won’t be around to watch it. Damn shame, that.

Second Place: A week long vacation in the basement of SimHQ Towers helping “20mm” clean-up the messes. You may even get the opportunity to fix the plumbing! “20mm” has acquired a brand new (well, it looks new) regulation sleeping cot from the local Army Surplus just for this special occasion. Be sure you’ve had all your shots before starting this adventure!

Third Place: Join in one of “guod’s” legendary 11th floor SimHQ Towers balcony target practices! Equipped with enough water balloons to drown the street below, “guod” gets to drop eggs on unsuspecting citizenry. Pretend that semi truck is a enemy convoy! But wait, YOU’RE the semi truck, so no pretending.  Who would have thought that water balloons from eleven floors up would have so much impact on your wet noodle? Imagine the videos of the watery explosions on your head, with your face in a grimace, on YouTube. Ground attacks in IL-2 Sturmovik Forgotten Battles could be no more exciting!

So What Do I Have to Do to Win One of These Fabulous Prizes?

It’s easy! Just correctly answer (or guess) the answers to the questions below. The 3 persons with the most correct answers win! Your entry must be postmarked by November 16th, 2007. Mail your entry to:

A Very Special SimHQ 10th Anniversary Contest!
c/o SimHQ Inc.
P.O. Box 1478
Richmond, Texas 77406-1478

Contest Entry Questions


1. Number of banned members who declare their complete disdain for SimHQ, but continually weasel their way back into registration for the forums. A suggestion for you persona non grata… how we going to miss you if you won’t go away? Oh, and just go away, OK?

2. Average number of posts within two months of a member writing “I’m out of here and will NEVER post on this stupid board ever again!”  Hint: It’s more than your IQ.

3. Average number of alias screen names per member that leaves in a huff or is banned, only to return yet again. See #1 above. Leave already will ya?

4. Number of forum members who have complained when something totally outrageous they posted is edited by a moderator or admin, then claim it is their personal right to post open commentary on the Internet. Listen up, y’all, you ain’t got no freakin’ RIGHTS here. Only privileges. Man up.

5. Number of forum members who follow that one sim who periodically whine and bellyache about every damn thing they can possibly find that isn’t perfect at SimHQ. Note to those mentioned. You’re right, the site isn’t perfect. And you sure aren’t either! But we forgive you.

6. Number of simulation sites who won’t post new article announcements sent to them from SimHQ (for whatever lame-ass reason) in spite of the fact SimHQ will always (and has always) posted their news and wished them great success. Observation: Sometimes the high road is a lonely road.

7. Number of Usenet flight sim newsgroups about the “good old days” interlaced with jabs at SimHQ about a situation they either have the facts wrong about, assumed incorrectly, or just decided to make up a good story. Bonus if you also know the number of former SimHQ members that post on all of them. Suggestion: If you love good old fashioned hatred, this could be for you!

8. Number of “messengers” from other sim sites who think it’s their Internet-Given right to come into the SimHQ forums for the purpose of stirring-up dissension, turmoil and embellishing their own web site. Then sheepishly claim “who me?” when confronted about their carefully-placed comments. Hint: If you answer this question, then we know who you are.

9. Number of SimHQ haters who claim for the umpteenth time that SimHQ can’t last and is about to go pay-per-view. Oh hell, if you write in “a whole bunch”, you get full credit on this one.

10. Number of simulation enthusiasts who become nasty and vicious with their closest online friends and acquaintances because of a disagreement in the correct number of cowling rivets on a P-40 Warhawk. Hint: It’s more than 1, less than the number of visible stars at night in an unincorporated town.

11. Number of simulation developers and publishers that have SimHQ “in their back pocket”. Hint: Zero, Zip, Nada.

12. The amount in dollars SimHQ ownership has made since 1997 from simulation developers and publishers that have had SimHQ “in their back pocket”. Hint: Take the hint from number 11 and multiply by… oh hell, whatever number you want. The answer is the same.

13. Number of members who whine and bellyache about the forums upgrade but continue to disbelieve the previous version was held together with:  String, luck, and a prayer. And that a new rebuild was essential before the entire forum crashed. Permanently. Sure, doubters, we did all this because we thought it would be fun, for us, entertaining for you. Not.

14. Number of simulation enthusiasts who run-wild with a false rumor about a sim (pick the genre) then disbelieve what the company representative states in response as the spiel from an evil corporation. Hint: Do not include Dr. Evil’s evil corporation in your answer.

15. Number of SimHQ moderators who have been called “jack-booted thugs” because they got tired of the crap some infantile 30-year old spewed forth and dared to ban the offender or request the offender cool down. Hint: Do not taunt the Mods especially the female Mods!

16. Number of simulation enthusiasts who still don’t “get it” about copyright and intellectual property infringement. Hint: Any number over 5,000 will score points.

17. Number of times (to the nearest dozen) “guod” has had to apologize for SimHQ being offline. Suggestion: We’ve actually lost track of this ourselves, so almost anything above 0 could count.

That’s it! Easy huh? Good luck and get those entries in before the 16th!

20mm says he’s looking forward to a roommate who can balance out the cockroach ratio. Or maybe not…

Any resemblance to anyone or anything living, dead or in-between is strictly intentional but it’s probably not you. In other words, you’re so vain, you probably think this contest is about you. Don’t ya? Don’t ya? Don’t ya?

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