SimHQ.com - Motorsports Zone - Feature: Wheel Bad Driving

My decision to go FPS-free and start a new genre of simming was not an easy one. First, I’m not completely FPS-free. I still have a couple of them lying around, and they’re both Star Wars titles. My journey to the Dork Side is now complete.

But my decision to completely rid my computer of all violent first-person shooters came one evening when my four-year-old daughter quietly padded up behind me in her Care Bears slippers while Sam Fisher and I were deep in the bowels of a North Korean missile battery.

“Is that you, Daddy?” she asked, pointing at Fisher, skulking across the screen.

“No, sweetie, that’s not me.” I replied.

“Are you gonna hurt that guy?”

I stopped, put the game on pause, and looked at her. My four-year-old little girl had just asked me if I was about to hurt someone. In a video game. Granted, I thought she was asleep, but that didn’t matter. She was asking me if I was going to hurt someone, and that bothered the hell out of me. Bear in mind, this is a girl who loves to watch the Star Wars movies for the lightsaber duels, but this was another matter entirely.

I really don’t need to see some terrorist’s spleen get launched in a plausible trajectory in order to enjoy a game. It was a good thing she didn’t walk in on me playing one of the darker levels of SWAT 4. “But, Pfunk,” you say, “that’s how it really is. That’s the kind of realism we want in a game.” That’s the kind of realism I’m trying to escape. I’ve stopped watching the news.

Another thing that was beginning to annoy me was the complete lack of imagination in FPS gaming. There hadn’t been much in the way of innovation in some time. They were all formulaic at best, each title not offering much more than any of the others seen on the shelves. One title says you can “Destroy the Nazi war machine!” Okay, now pay another fifty bucks over here and destroy it again with this other title…

Now, I had another problem. With most of my FPS games gone, I had a twitch gaming craving to satisfy and the few flight sims I owned wouldn’t work. Flight sims require time and patience. First you have to plan your flight, then select your ordinance, then actually fly the mission. This can take upwards of an hour if done correctly and with a wife, two small children, two dogs, two cats, and a hamster, well, a lot can happen in an hour. Your kids could have done a Monet in crayon on every page of your aviation books, the dogs could have completely disemboweled your new Justin boots, the cat could have successfully gotten to the top of the drapes on the ninth try, the hamster could be eaten by the other cat, and your wife could have run off with the damn appliance repairman she’s been telling you to call for weeks. And if you’re wearing headphones, this could all happen and you might be making alimony payments and never hear why.

So, I needed a new type of game that was household-friendly and quick. My friend and fellow staffer, Jens “McGonigle” Lindblad suggested motorsports gaming.

DUI – Definitely Under-Informed

Like most little kids, especially most boys, I was a car nut. I could quote makes, models, engine displacements, top end, you name it, from memory. I could argue with the best of them as to what car was the best. I will never forget the first time I saw a real exoticar.

It was 1984, and we had just moved to my adopted hometown of Fort Worth, Texas and my father had recently gone over to AT&T when they broke up Ma Bell. He was heading back to the office on a Saturday when we passed by the law offices of Cantey & Hanger, the oldest law firm in Fort Worth and one of the oldest in Texas itself. And there, parked in their lot, was a shiny, jet-black Lamborghini Countach. I didn’t care if it was partner or a client; it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, including Mary Lou Retton.

But, between girls, part-time jobs, school and (eventually) college, I lost touch with my love of cars to the point that now I’m the last guy you want working on your Lawn Boy, much less your Ford. I wouldn’t know an alternator from a plug wrench. Seriously, I’m that bad. Couple that with the fact that the last vehicle I owned that I felt comfortable about doing repairs on myself was a 1973 GMC pickup with a three-on-the-tree and a hole-in-the-floorboard and you’ve got the worst source of information for racing possible. Everything else I’ve owned since that time, when I opened the hood, it has looked more like a Pei drawing than a six-cylinder engine. About the only thing I can do with any confidence now is changing the oil and a flat tire.

I did discover in the course of my research that racing simulations have a lot in common with the real thing, in that they’re both expensive. I’ve never spent so much on peripherals and hardware in my life.

If what I knew about cars themselves was bad, then what I knew about motorsports gaming could be written on the inside of a matchbook with a grease pencil. I dropped a casual hint last Christmastime that I wanted a PC racing wheel and one of the first gifts I opened was from my in-laws was a Saitek R220 Digital Racing Wheel. Sturdy, no-nonsense, and all utility, it turned out to be the perfect starter wheel for the neophyte simulation driver. I downloaded several demos of racing games in the following days and discovered in short order that my racing career would have ended in a fiery mushroom cloud.

GPL

This article has been written for those who are motorsports-curious from the perspective of someone who’d never owned a motorsports simulation title until last January. Maybe you’re interested in racing sims, but aren’t sure what to buy. I’ve selected several PC titles that I own and I’ve written down my general thoughts and impressions of what I found.

You may be wondering why guod is allowing someone so woefully uninformed to write this article. Simple. He’s really busy and doesn’t know I’m doing this.

You may also be wondering why, during the course of this article, that not one NASCAR title is found. Simple answer there, too. I am not, nor have I ever been, a member of last Presidential election’s Most Favored Focus Group, the “NASCAR Dads”. Why? Well, mostly because there’s not really one ‘stock’ car at any NASCAR event with the exception of the stinkin’ pace car. Now, if Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and Tony Stewart wanted to run laps around a track in vehicles that are literally off-the-showroom-floor, that might be something. Current day NASCAR entries have more in common with the Shuttle Orbiter than anything on the highway. Second, they’re running in circles, doing five hundred left turns… or is it right turns? See? That’s how much NASCAR bores me. Plus, I have all my teeth and hate Budweiser. [Ouch! Such comments from a Southern gentleman! -guod]

On with the show…

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